It’s been a long hiatus, but my body and I ran into each other again the other day. I would like to try and rekindle something. I don’t even think my body likes me as a friend.

Since a little over a year ago, my body and I have been through some serious shit together. I got my body pregnant and then my body had a baby. At certain points, it felt like we were closer than ever, and at other times, very distant. I had gestational diabetes, so – for a little while – I resented my body and it’s genetic makeup. Then we got closer as I paid more attention to what I was feeding my body. I was listening by taking my blood sugar and we had a good thing going.

The morning my son was born, I was amazed by my body. And then I turned my back on my body. I “could” eat sugar again, so I did. And not just a little. And not just for a little while. I have been snorting and shooting sugar in sugarland and my body is pissed. More than pissed, it’s just gone. I am in an empty shell.

In my mind, my body is still impressive. My body can produce food that can grow and sustain my son. What my body gives him is all that he needs. And I take it for granted.

Our relationship (if you can call it that) has become kind of a functional one. My son gets hungry, I pull him close to my body, throw a boob in his mouth, he eats, we move on. I’m usually watching something (VanderPump Rules) on my phone. It’s not good.

I have some serious rekindling to do. And I have to remember to take it slow. I can’t just befriend and seduce my body overnight. So we’ll see what tomorrow brings.